More Polite

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.

Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"

Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"

Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."

Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"

Mc. Donald's

Driving through Oklahoma, my husband and I went out of our way to stop at what was billed as the largest McDonald's in the world.

However, we were less than thrilled when an employee addressed everyone over the intercom: "Attention, world's largest McDonald's customers."

Egyptian Pie

Jack: Would you like some Egyptian Pie?
Jill: What's Egyptian pie?
Jack: You know, the kind mummy used to make.

The Moles

Early one morning the Mole family awoke and Daddy mole climbed to the top of the mole hole and sniffed the air.
"I smell bacon frying." he said.
Momma mole crowded in beside him and sniffed the air,
"I smell eggs cooking." she said.
Baby mole tried and tried to get to the top but there was no room left
so he said, "All I can smell is molasses!"

Messy Eater

When a young man left his dorm and moved into an apartment, he went shopping for cleaning equipment. His cart was loaded with a broom, mop, dust-pan, sponges and a full array of cleaning products. At the last minute he topped off his cart with a single, large bag of potato chips.

Seeing the checkout clerk's look, he explained, "I'm a very messy eater."

Jail Food

The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, "I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?"

One of the three men stepped forward, "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful."

"I see. And what did you use to break the bars?" The warden asked.

Replied the spokesman, "French Toast..."

In A Restaurant

A waitress is explaining to a guest in the restaurant that the specialty
of the day is calf tongue in beautiful port wine sauce.
The guest shakes
his head and says, "I don't want anything that comes from an animal's
mouth, just give me some eggs."